In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
