I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
