i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
