First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
