He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
