and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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