we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
