I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
