great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
