So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
