I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
