I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
