They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
