My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
im on a boat
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