i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
