If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
