I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
