Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
