I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
