I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
