Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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