Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
