found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You made out with two different species that night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
