he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
