I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
