So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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