you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
