Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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