chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
