I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
