just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
