I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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