$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
