literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
