Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
