Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
