I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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