I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
there is puke in my bra ... again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
