I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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