Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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