Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
