apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
