There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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