your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
