xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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