I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
