I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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