i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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