I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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