So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
