i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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