Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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