hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sext me about skeletons
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
