ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
