i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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